Man says he planned to travel to Hawaii with ex-girlfriend after split

For many, hanging out with an ex partner in any capacity can be less than pleasant.

So when one Reddit user said he insisted on traveling to Hawaii with his ex-girlfriend after paying for the majority of their accommodations for her sister’s wedding, people were largely perplexed and divided on the matter.

On Thursday, a man who goes by the username snobsagainstslobs shared an anonymous post on the subreddit “Am I the A–hole” to request unbiased advice from people on the site.

The poster detailed a purported argument with his ex-girlfriend over a Hawaii vacation he said they had planned together

“My girlfriend and I had been together for 2 and a half years,” he wrote. “Before my decision to break up we had bought a vacation package together for her sisters wedding in Maui. She was short on splitting the cost so I covered $1,700 of the $2,500 total cost.”

Read more: A wedding planner reveals what movies get wrong about weddings

The original poster wrote that he asked his ex if he could still join her in Hawaii since he paid more than half of the bill for the accommodations, but his ex denied his request “because it was my choice to end the relationship.” He said she refused to pay him back, at which point he insisted that he should be able to make the trip.

Kaanapali Beach in Maui, Hawaii.
Eva Browning / iStock

The poster said he planned on sleeping on the couch and being out of his ex’s way during the day on the vacation, but that his former partner ended up canceling his ticket

“All I wanted to do was go to Hawaii, sleep on the couch of the hotel we had in the evening, and be gone the rest of the day,” he wrote. “She made the argument I would be ruining her sister’s wedding, which none of her family was staying at the same hotel we had booked and had no plans to hang out or be a part of any part of the wedding.”

According to the poster, his ex-girlfriend then canceled his ticket without warning. “I will never see any of the $1,700 back or the money she got back for my plane ticket,” he wrote.

The majority of Reddit users who commented on the topic felt the poster was in the right to go on the vacation, though some were less convinced

Four days after his post went live on Reddit, the poster was deemed “Not the A–hole” by the more than 2,500 people who weighed in on the thread. Some commenters even suggested that the original poster take his ex to small claims court for the amount his ticket was worth.

“If it was just a vacation, I’d say cancel her ticket since you paid for most of it,” one commenter wrote. “But since it’s to go to her sister’s wedding, I say take her to small claims court for the amount you paid.”

Others said they would love to see the dispute settled on “Judge Judy,” the reality television show.

“Judge Judy gets her cases from small claims court,” one user commented. “I would absolutely love to see this on the show.”

Judge Judy.
Damian Dovarganes / AP

Still, some commenters were less sure that the original poster deserved anything back from his ex.

“Going against popular opinion here, but YTA [You’re the A–hole],” another commenter wrote. “You dumped her. Now you want to tag along with her to Hawaii just to get your moneys worth?”

“Write the $1,700 off as a life lesson, and in the future either get travel insurance or only book if you have no plans on dumping your next girlfriend,” they added.

Landis Bejar, the lead therapist and founder of wedding-specific therapy practice AisleTalk, told us the sitation depends on ‘how the couple is coping with the breakup’

“Some people are able to remain friends,” Bejar told us. “That doesn’t seem to be the case here.”

Bejar would urge anyone in the original Reddit poster’s shoes to remember that there are always losses associated with the end of a long-term relationship.

“We invest in relationships. We spend money, time, energy, emotions without necessarily knowing the final outcome,” she said. “If the ticket package wasn’t a loan from the beginning, it is essentially a gift like any other. Think engagement ring in a broken off engagement.”

“He was in control of when he wanted to end the relationship, which he is entitled to; but he can’t be in control of everything and might need to cope with the financial loss,” she added.

Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn in “The Break Up.”
Universal Pictures

Bejar said that the ex-girlfriend’s claim that he would ruin the wedding “is perhaps glazing over what is really the case.”

“The fact is, he would ruin the wedding – a very important milestone and event for her family, already made harder by their recent breakup – for her,” Bejar said. “If they were on good terms, that would likely not be the case.”

Ultimately, Bejar didn’t think the Reddit poster should join his ex-girlfriend in Hawaii.

“I think it is appropriate for him to respect her wishes if he has initiated the breakup and it is her family’s event,” she said. “And to be mindful that, if the money was given as a mutually understood loan, perhaps it is reasonable to ask her to pay it back; but if not, it was simply a gift or another invested cost in the relationship.”

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