The world’s most powerful leaders once rode Segways

Who needs a presidential motorcade when you have this?
Who needs a presidential motorcade when you have this?

Image: charles ommanney/Getty Images

The man in control of the world’s second largest nuclear stockpile is reportedly terrified of taking the stairs.

In earlier, happier times, our leaders were brave. They were courageous warriors. They were decent, educated, sophisticated diplomats. They kept the post-WWII international world order together.

They rode Segways. 

The Segway, a two-wheeled motorized scooter, first hit the market in 2001. The product was inherently masochistic. Seventeen years after it emerged, people still make fun of folks who go on Segway tours or ride Segways to work. It’ll never be reclaimed because it was never even a little bit socially acceptable in the first place.

We should never wax nostalgic about President George W. Bush, who lied his way into a failed, unnecessary war. That being said, the president did have borderline human/almost funny moments, like the one time he fell off a Segway while vacationing with his parents in Maine.

Here’s the former president standing tall on his Segway.

He's moving, which is more than you can say for President Trump.

He’s moving, which is more than you can say for President Trump.

Image: john mottern/Getty Images

And then falling off it shortly after:

Every small humiliation counts.

Every small humiliation counts.

Image: john mottern/Getty Images

The whole Bush family got in on it, boat shoes and all:

George H.W. Bush in L.L. Bean Segway couture.

George H.W. Bush in L.L. Bean Segway couture.

Image: charles ommanney/Getty Images

Here’s Jenna Bush, riding in style in 2006:

Jenna Bush has a poetic private moment on the family Segway in 2006.

Jenna Bush has a poetic private moment on the family Segway in 2006.

Not content to keep his little piece of shame hidden at home, George W. Bush embarrassed us all by handing out Segways as political gifts. In 2008 Dubya gifted this Segway to Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert while discussing peace talks in the Middle East.

Strangely enough, a two-state solution never emerged.

Ehud Olmert on his enormous adult toy in Washington in 2008.

Ehud Olmert on his enormous adult toy in Washington in 2008.

Image: gershom/Getty Images

Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi took his Segway home in 2006.

I apologize on behalf of the United States of America to the people of Japan forced to witness this disgraceful ride.

The President of the United States of America is responsible for this atrocity.

The President of the United States of America is responsible for this atrocity.

These weren’t the good ol’ days by any stretch of the imagination, but at least they were a bit dorkier. I’d much rather have my president gift a dumb Segway than bounce along to a sword dance.

Thank you, Segway. I’m sorry, America.

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