How to tell if someone is lying about London being a good place to live

DO you have a friend who claims to love living in London but who you suspect secretly hates it? Here’s how to see through their lies.

The places they tell you about all sound a bit shit

London is full of wacky places like restaurants where you can fly drones, or pubs filled with hipsterish crap like old Pac-Man machines and stuffed bears. But does any of that actually sound enjoyable? No. It’s shit.

They only pretend to use all the amazing facilities

Simply ask your friend what film they last saw at the cinema. If it was Shrek 2, they’re not exactly out at the IMAX and Leicester Square Odeon every night.

They downplay terrifying crime

Rather than admit London might at times be somewhat dangerous, your friend will pretend to be unfussed by crime, eg. “Yeah, some people broke into the house next door, had a gang fight in the street and set fire to a police car. But it was only kids.”

They are weirdly over-enthusiastic about public transport

London’s public transport is not as shit as other places, but since when was sitting on a bus a great experience? Your friend is really scratching around for reasons to like London when a trip on the crowded, grubby Northern Line is a highlight of your life.

They take every opportunity to not be in London

When enthusing about London, it’s entirely likely they’ll be doing it during yet another weekend spent somewhere much nicer, such as their parents’ house in anywhere not London.

 

Source

more recommended stories

  • ‘Donate Notre Dame money to different charity’ says man who has never donated to anything

    A MAN who has never given.

  • Millennials cosplaying as homeowners

    A NEW form of cosplay encourages.

  • Woman gets fancy Easter egg instead of the bucket of Flakes she wanted

    A WOMAN has been let down.

  • How to train properly for the London marathon

    YOU’VE broken in your trainers, you’ve.

  • Protesting is latest fad for middle class people who want to be different

    MIDDLE CLASS people will spend the.

  • Londoner stunned to find all other Londoners also leaving London for weekend

    POSH sourdough bread is the same.

  • Workers save dog spotted more than 100 miles off Thailand coast

    REUTERS (April 17) – A Thai.

  • Jesus’s guide to having a better Easter than him

    HI. My first Easter wasn’t a.

  • Thieves pinch rifles as Kenyan police watch Champions League football

    NAIROBI (Reuters) – The temptation to.

  • Are you in a sham marriage or is your marriage a sham?

    SHAM marriages are usually done to.

  • Working class man reckons someone called ‘Annunziata Rees-Mogg’ is on his side

    A WORKING class man actually believes.

  • Couples who buy each other Easter eggs told to grow up

    COUPLES who buy each other Easter.

  • 32-year-old man still expects praise for parking

    A DRIVER of 15 years’ standing.

  • Don’t like surprises? AI predicts who survives ‘Game of Thrones’

    MUNICH (Reuters) – If you are.

  • Gran sad about local high street hated guts of every shopkeeper

    A PENSIONER who is distressed by.

  • Brexit-hungry media to be turfed off grassy patch outside UK parliament

    LONDON (Reuters) – After months of.

  • Mum using ball pit to inoculate child against all known diseases

    A WOMAN decided to make her.

  • Swiss government says coffee ‘not essential’, stockpiling to end

    ZURICH (Reuters) – Switzerland on Wednesday.

  • Woman realises she only got married because smartphones had still to be invented

    A WOMAN has realised that she.

  • Facebook reminds man he made ‘Brexit? Sounds like a breakfast cereal!’ joke three years ago today

    PUTTING clothes on a toddler is.

  • Would living in a fascist state really be that bad?

    AN unidentified woman has been filmed.

  • UK prison guards smell a rat and find rodents stuffed with drugs

    Items found inside dead rats at.

  • Non-vegans demand vegetables made out of meat

    A FATHER who banned his children.

  • Jiving eighty-year-old DJ parties in Poland

    DJ Wika Szmyt, 80, plays music.

  • Sadistic interview panel knows full well man only wants job for the sodding money

    A JOB interview panel decided to.

  • What’s in a name? Japan puzzles over Reiwa, the term for new imperial era

    TOKYO (Reuters) – Japanese printers rushed.

  • 45-year-old man pretending not to understand modern things

    A MIDDLE-AGED man is, for reasons best.

  • Texas civil court judge accidentally resigns

    (Reuters) – An April Fools’ Day.

  • Bin men judging you on all those wine bottles

    REFUSE collectors are tracking how many.

  • Bears in Russian zoo predict Ukrainian election

    KRASNOYARSK, Russia (Reuters) – “Anyone but.

  • Passive-aggressive Mother’s Day gifts for terrible mothers

    SOMETIMES a World’s Best Mum mug.

  • Dubai court restores yacht to Russia tycoon, move disputed in divorce contest

    DUBAI (Reuters) – A $436 million.