How to tell if your date is a psycho from the contents of their fridge

ARE you at a date’s home and trying to work out if they’re completely mental? A quick look at the contents of their fridge will give you the definitive answer. 

A week’s worth of prepared meals

Preparing all your meals in advance could mean someone bored and lonely, or could mean someone weirdly controlling and tediously organised? Neither bodes well for a fun relationship.

Mushroom kombucha

Anyone finding this in someone’s fridge will be rightly freaked out because it looks like a jar of pickled aliens. When you find out it’s actually fermented mushroom tea then still be freaked out because you’re on a date with a tiresome health nut.

Nothing but condiments

A fridge full of condiments, whether a selection of mustards, a half-empty bottle of ketchup or a massive jar of mayonnaise means their owner is incapable of looking after themselves and wants you to become a weird chef-parent hybrid prepared to shag them occasionally.

Maggots

Can be explained away by the fridge-owner being into fishing. Which while a better explanation than being a filthy bastard, still leaves the troubling discovery that they’re into fishing.

A still-living human brain

Even if you’re desperate for a relationship, this is quite a red flag. But if you’re over 40 and have baggage you might have to settle.

Source

more recommended stories

  • Unclothed man displays more than art in Moscow gallery stroll: RIA

    MOSCOW (Reuters) – A man stripped.

  • May loads Skoda Yeti with bogroll at Belgian hypermarket

    THERESA May has been stockpiling toilet.

  • Roman remains unearthed near famous Lisbon restaurant

    A view of a skull from.

  • Fitness tracker just a stupidly expensive albatross around man’s wrist

    A MAN’S fitness-tracking wristwatch has become.

  • Lion on the lam locked-up in South African jail

    CAPE TOWN (Reuters) – A young.

  • Non-driver slams passenger door so hard it destroys car

    A NON-DRIVER has slammed the passenger.

  • Hit by an arrow, mobile phone dies saving Australian man

    A supplied image obtained March 13,.

  • How to exercise when you f**king hate exercise

    EXERCISE is hell, but a growing.

  • Hip hop best bet for a cheese that will please: Swiss study

    BURGDORF, Switzerland (Reuters) – Exposing cheese.

  • Are you clinging to your job by a thread?

    JOBS. We all need them, but.

  • German yachtsman inflates trousers to survive 3 hours in sea

    WELLINGTON (Reuters) – Knocked overboard in.

  • Hairdresser’s opinions increasingly dodgy

    A MAN’S haircut ended just moments.

  • Painting sow Pigcasso hogs the limelight at South Africa farm

    Step aside Francis Bacon. Source Tweet

  • The life and times of a Brexiter who shouts at TV cameras outside Parliament

    HELLO, I’m one of those men.

  • Pungent ‘J-Queen’ durians sell for $1,000 in Indonesia

    JAKARTA (Reuters) – An Indonesian variety.

  • How the f**k is this a ‘cake’? ask dieters

    PEOPLE on diets are wondering how.

  • NFL: Fans in St. Louis can flush away anger at Kroenke

    (Reuters) – Three years after leaving.

  • Tory party ‘could be down to 16 people without the racists’

    ANY attempt to clamp down on.

  • UK town battens down the hatches for crazy ‘royal’ football game

    Players fight for the ball during.

  • Couple plan fun wedding with strict non-negotiable rules

    A COUPLE who want a carefree,.

  • Mooing, no booing for roller-skating Spanish farmer with a dream

    Cattle breeder Pablo Pato practices his.

  • 45-year-old man has been going through midlife crisis for 20 years

    A 45-YEAR-OLD has confirmed that he.

  • Memories made of this: USB stick found in frozen seal poo

    (Reuters) – Scientists in New Zealand.

  • Hungover beat Still Pissed in Sunday league game

    HUNGOVER has narrowly beaten Still Pissed.

  • Greek minister caught taking a puff tells EU official to butt out

    ATHENS (Reuters) – Greece’s deputy health.

  • Man will approve haircut unless an ear has been cut off

    A MAN receiving a haircut has.

  • Indonesia police apologise for using snake in Papua interrogation

    JAKARTA (Reuters) – Indonesian police have.

  • Feminist going a bit too far for male friends’ liking

    A WOMAN’S liberal-minded male friends feel.

  • Kenyans charged with imitating president to con businessmen

    NAIROBI (Reuters) – A Kenyan court.

  • How to choose your workplace nemesis

    HAVING a sworn enemy to detest.

  • Toronto police probe hurling of chair from high-rise balcony

    TORONTO (Reuters) – Toronto police said.

  • Key to happy relationship is remembering you obviously can’t do any better

    THE key to a happy relationship.