Man stupidly asks elderly parents to buy wine

A MAN foolishly asked his parents who rarely drink alcohol to buy a bottle of wine after forgetting they would fuck it up.

While visiting his parents, Tom Logan asked them to pick up “a bottle of Merlot or just any red wine for about a fiver”, not realising the chaos this nigh-on impossible task would bring.

Sales manager Logan said: “After doing some gardening for the folks I thought it would be relaxing to have a few of glasses of wine. How fucking wrong was I.

“First I got a call from Mum on her mobile saying Sainsbury’s didn’t sell wine. I said I was sure they did, and eventually worked out they were in the soft drinks and cordial aisle.

“A few minutes later I got another call saying they ‘hadn’t got the wine you wanted’ and they were trying somewhere else. Later I discovered they were looking for a brand called ‘Merlin Wine’.

“Mum said they were going to the wine shop. I said they really didn’t need to but they insisted. Then I realised they meant The Wine Shop, the local corner shop that sells dangerous toys.

“Finally they arrived back all flustered with a bottle of something called ‘Grayson’s Tonic Wine’. I’d never had iodine-flavoured wine before but at least it was alcoholic.

“It tasted of what I imagine long-dead mice do so I put a splash of lemonade in. Then I realised it was 0.5% alcohol and poured the whole lot down the sink.”

Source

more recommended stories

  • Are you sexually promiscuous enough at work?

    ARE you worried that you’ve slept.

  • Eiffel Tower evacuated after climber scales monument

    An unidentified man climbs the Eiffel.

  • Colleges offer Level 5 NVQ in changing a duvet cover

    COLLEGES keen to equip students with.

  • Women do walk of shame to hen night

    A GROUP of women have been.

  • Raven chicks in the Tower ward off prophecy of doom for Brexit Britain

    Tower of London Ravenmaster Chris Skaife.

  • Five ways to join in the leg-washing ‘debate’ even though it’s idiotic

    MANY people have admitted they don’t.

  • Take or pay: Belgian ex-king faces paternity fines

    Belgian artist Delphine Boel and her.

  • How to know when to give the f**k up on something

    DO YOU, like Theresa May bringing.

  • Professional Northerner oddly reluctant to meet other Northerners

    A MAN who never shuts up.

  • Mum tells kids she wrote ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’

    A MOTHER has admitted telling her.

  • Google search confirms man has bubonic plague

    A MAN with a slight cough.

  • Middle-class family struggling to outdo themselves

    AN extremely middle-class family are struggling.

  • Will anything happen in tonight’s Game of Thrones?

    WITH only two episodes left of.

  • Which fire pit knobhead are you?

    THE new cool place to be.

  • Stop bugging him: Philippine leader brushes off finger-sized pest

    MANILA (Reuters) – Philippine President Rodrigo.

  • Five ways to stop climate change if they weren’t such a pain in the arse

    WITH catastrophic climate change on its.

  • Australia’s central bank takes ‘responsibilty’ for note typo

    SYDNEY (Reuters) – Millions of A$50.

  • Is Liverpool’s comeback the most irritating of all time? 

    LIVERPOOL’S unbelievable comeback to beat Barcelona.

  • Tanzania plans cable car for Mount Kilimanjaro

    DAR ES SALAAM (Reuters) – Tanzania.

  • How to build your baby bullshit bunker

    THE Daily Mash presents a step-by-step.

  • What will happen to Britain’s ice-cream vans? A five point guide

    THE traditional ice-cream van and the.

  • Nobody trusts couple who do everything together

    A COUPLE who spend all their.

  • ‘Thou shall not gossip’, Pope tells hairdressers

    FILE PHOTO: Pope Francis presides over.

  • Your guide to using the toilets at work like a ninja

    DO you mean what you say.

  • Beast from the east: Indian soldiers reckon they’ve found Yeti footprints

    NEW DELHI (Reuters) – Mountaineers from.

  • Mumsnet admits it is also the Illuminati

    THE parenting website Mumsnet has revealed.

  • Romania’s witches harness the powers of the web

    MOGOSOAIA, Romania (Reuters) – “Repeat after.

  • The highlights of the 2019 stag and hen season

    THE carnival and revelry of another.

  • Beast from the east – Indian mountaineers reckon they’ve found Yeti footprints

    NEW DELHI (Reuters) – Mountaineers from.

  • A guide to who the f**k’s who in the latest Avengers thing

    THE superhero event movie of the.

  • Girlfriend putting copper jelly moulds on kitchen wall like a f**king looney

    RESEARCH recommending limiting childrens’ screen time.

  • Stairs still nation’s favourite place to put things

    A NATIONWIDE survey has found that.