Tory party ‘could be down to 16 people without the racists’

ANY attempt to clamp down on prejudiced attitudes in the Conservative Party could mean the entire membership will fit in a minibus, senior Tories have warned.

Party leaders believe modernising attitudes could be difficult due to the average member being 70, and the sort of awful people who want to join the Conservative Party in the first place.

Party member Norman Steele, 83, said: “It seems that these days you can’t call a spade a golliwog or vice-versa without getting into hot water.

“Take this business with Amber Rudd and Diane Abbott. No one can keep up with all the politically correct new lingo. When did calling a black person ‘coloured’ suddenly become offensive?

“Also what’s the point of being a member if I can’t moan on bitterly for hours about immigrants, scroungers, foreigners and anything vaguely modern? It just takes all the fun out of it.”

Party organiser Nathan Muir, 38, said: “Sadly, doddery old shire racists like Mr Steele are not just the backbone of the Tory party but also the head, heart, limbs, guts and private parts.

“If we get rid of the blazered, bigoted buffoons and heartless retired harridans all we’ll be left with is weird William Hague-style ‘Tory boys’, and then we’re really fucked.”

Source

more recommended stories

  • Unclothed man displays more than art in Moscow gallery stroll: RIA

    MOSCOW (Reuters) – A man stripped.

  • May loads Skoda Yeti with bogroll at Belgian hypermarket

    THERESA May has been stockpiling toilet.

  • Roman remains unearthed near famous Lisbon restaurant

    A view of a skull from.

  • Fitness tracker just a stupidly expensive albatross around man’s wrist

    A MAN’S fitness-tracking wristwatch has become.

  • Lion on the lam locked-up in South African jail

    CAPE TOWN (Reuters) – A young.

  • Non-driver slams passenger door so hard it destroys car

    A NON-DRIVER has slammed the passenger.

  • Hit by an arrow, mobile phone dies saving Australian man

    A supplied image obtained March 13,.

  • How to exercise when you f**king hate exercise

    EXERCISE is hell, but a growing.

  • Hip hop best bet for a cheese that will please: Swiss study

    BURGDORF, Switzerland (Reuters) – Exposing cheese.

  • Are you clinging to your job by a thread?

    JOBS. We all need them, but.

  • German yachtsman inflates trousers to survive 3 hours in sea

    WELLINGTON (Reuters) – Knocked overboard in.

  • Hairdresser’s opinions increasingly dodgy

    A MAN’S haircut ended just moments.

  • Painting sow Pigcasso hogs the limelight at South Africa farm

    Step aside Francis Bacon. Source Tweet

  • The life and times of a Brexiter who shouts at TV cameras outside Parliament

    HELLO, I’m one of those men.

  • Pungent ‘J-Queen’ durians sell for $1,000 in Indonesia

    JAKARTA (Reuters) – An Indonesian variety.

  • How the f**k is this a ‘cake’? ask dieters

    PEOPLE on diets are wondering how.

  • NFL: Fans in St. Louis can flush away anger at Kroenke

    (Reuters) – Three years after leaving.

  • UK town battens down the hatches for crazy ‘royal’ football game

    Players fight for the ball during.

  • Couple plan fun wedding with strict non-negotiable rules

    A COUPLE who want a carefree,.

  • Mooing, no booing for roller-skating Spanish farmer with a dream

    Cattle breeder Pablo Pato practices his.

  • 45-year-old man has been going through midlife crisis for 20 years

    A 45-YEAR-OLD has confirmed that he.

  • Memories made of this: USB stick found in frozen seal poo

    (Reuters) – Scientists in New Zealand.

  • Hungover beat Still Pissed in Sunday league game

    HUNGOVER has narrowly beaten Still Pissed.

  • Greek minister caught taking a puff tells EU official to butt out

    ATHENS (Reuters) – Greece’s deputy health.

  • Man will approve haircut unless an ear has been cut off

    A MAN receiving a haircut has.

  • Indonesia police apologise for using snake in Papua interrogation

    JAKARTA (Reuters) – Indonesian police have.

  • Feminist going a bit too far for male friends’ liking

    A WOMAN’S liberal-minded male friends feel.

  • Kenyans charged with imitating president to con businessmen

    NAIROBI (Reuters) – A Kenyan court.

  • How to choose your workplace nemesis

    HAVING a sworn enemy to detest.

  • Toronto police probe hurling of chair from high-rise balcony

    TORONTO (Reuters) – Toronto police said.

  • Key to happy relationship is remembering you obviously can’t do any better

    THE key to a happy relationship.

  • Fake Kim goes as real Kim comes: Vietnam expels Kim Jong Un lookalike

    HANOI (Reuters) – An Australian comedian.