Huffy, Dopey Cy Young Voter Hangs Up On Incredibly Chill Old Radio Host

Photo: Scott Taetsch (Getty)

I learned something really interesting today, which is that Steve Somers is still alive. You people out there probably know New York’s flagship sports talk radio station WFAN mainly because of comic book hater and sugar-free mafia cosplayer Mike Francesa. Ah, but when I was growing up, there was an entire ecosystem of strange radio lizards orbiting about Mike, the most curious of which was Somers, a man who talks like a tape recorder playing at half speed and always sounds like he got drunk and time-traveled here from 1971.

Somers, who looks like Jim Henson’s horny cousin and who goes by the note-perfect radio moniker “The Schmoozer,” still plies his trade every night from 12:30 a.m. to 2:00 a.m., where he entertains calls from New York’s angriest insomniacs and lulls them to beddy bye with his impossibly languid voice. I did not realize he was still on the air until today, when the fine radio monitors at @BackAftaThis posted this flawless clip of Somers introducing John Maffei of the San Diego Union Tribune, the only baseball writer to not vote Jacob deGrom for the Cy Young award (he voted for Max Scherzer instead), and who apparently couldn’t psychologically handle 30 seconds of Somers gently poking at him in his dulcet, lounge-lizard patter:

I’m gonna transcribe the meat of the exchange for you, but you should listen to it because it’s nothing without Somers’s flawless, oily delivery.

“John…. Can you look at yourself in the mirror? John?”

“Can I? ABSOLUTELY.”

[brief, incredible pause]

“No. No no no. You’re looking for 15 minutes of fame and attention…”

“Steve this interview is over, thank you. Goodbye.”

[longer, even better pause]

“What? Well, there’s a guy.”

Incredible. As someone who used to listen to Somers in his Oldsmobile on the way back from running tables in the 90s, I feel like I’ve been given a gift. It brings me strange comfort to know Steve Somers is still out there in the ether, sending his mellow vibes out into the night. I hope he broadcasts nude from a hot tub, with a little miniature gold replica of Fort Knox embedded in his chest hair.

Source link

more recommended stories

  • Patriots Owner Bob Kraft Charged With Soliciting Prostitution

    Photo: Kevin C. Cox (Getty) New.

  • Last Chance U Coach Told German Player “I’m Your New Hitler” In Texts About Discipline

    A German student at Independence Community.

  • Georgia Bulldogs Lose To Mississippi In Final Second After Technical Foul Assessed For Object Thrown From Crowd

    Wednesday night the crummy Georgia Bulldogs.

  • Wisconsin School District Under Fire Over Coach Handing Out Gross, Objectifying Awards To High School Cheerleaders

    Professional cheerleaders being subjected to degrading.

  • After Years Of Ignoring Her, WWE Finally Honors Chyna With Hall Of Fame Induction

    Photo: WWE On Monday night, WWE.

  • Deadspin Up All Night: Hit Me Where It Hurts

    Thank you for your continued support.

  • Massive Daytona 500 Crash Collects Half of the Field

    Monster Energy NASCAR Cup Series racing.

  • Gloomhaven Should Be On Your Board Game Bucket List, and It’s Under $100 For the First Time Ever

    Best Gaming DealsThe best deals on.

  • Sabres’ Kyle Okposo Knocked Out Of Game After Taking One Punch From Rangers’ Tony DeAngelo

    With just over 12 minutes remaining.

  • Matt Kuchar Publicly Apologizes To Caddie David Ortiz And Pays The “Requested” Cut

    Pro golfer Matt Kuchar announced today.

  • Alvin Gentry Turns Frosty As Hell When Asked About Anthony Davis Leaving Arena Mid-Game

    Screenshot: Twitter The depressing Anthony Davis.

  • Steve Kerr Ejected For Explosive Tantrum At Ken Mauer As Warriors Collapse Against Trail Blazers

    In the fourth quarter of Wednesday.

  • John Elway Will Trade A Pick He Would’ve Screwed Up Anyway For Joe Flacco

    Photo: Doug Pensinger (Getty) Last season’s.

  • SafeSport Has Closed Its Investigation Of Pairs Skater John Coughlin Due To His Death

    John Coughlin competing in the pairs.

  • Magic Johnson And Elton Brand Try To Get Stories Straight About Ben Simmons Tampering Issue

    Photo: Meg Oliphant (Getty) The Lakers.

  • Trent Richardson Given The First Bad Penalty In AAF History After Spiking Ball Into Stands

    It took over three quarters of.

  • Hockey Man Loses Multiple Teeth After High-Stick Smacks Him In The Face

    Now in his 12th season, James.

  • Jim Irsay Moves Goalposts On “G.O.A.T.” Debate In A Way That Conveniently Discounts The Patriots’ Accomplishments

    Photo: Andy Lyons (Getty Images) Despite.

  • Jim Gray Gets Weirdly Snippy When Asked About His Friendships With Tom Brady And Oprah

    Photo: Ethan Miller (Getty Images) Career.

  • Clutch Buckets From Rajon Rondo, Kyle Kuzma, And LeBron James Lift Lakers Over Celtics

    Photo: Maddie Meyer (Getty) As fun.

  • Nothing Matters As Long As The Golden State Warriors Exist

    Photo: AP While the rest of.

  • Skillet Stop Buying Canned, Chopped Tomatoes | Jalopnik Dealerships’ Latest Online Car Shopping Tact

    Skillet Stop Buying Canned, Chopped Tomatoes |.

  • 49ers Shoot Down Mark Davis’s Plan To Move Raiders 2019 Home Games To San Francisco

    Photo: Thearon W. Henderson (Getty) The.

  • LaVar Ball’s Idea To Move Lonzo To The Phoenix Suns Is A Good One

    The Lakers are including Lonzo Ball.

  • José Mourinho Eats Shit At Russian Hockey Game

    Unemployed soccer manager José Mourinho is.

  • Inter Ultras: We Would Have Directed Racist Chants At Koulibaly Even If He Wasn’t Black

    Photo: Emilio Andreoli (Getty Images) Following.

  • NC State’s 24-Point Performance Against Virginia Tech Made Me Want To Vomit

    Photo: Ben McKeown (AP Photo) In.

  • “I Would Never Want My Son To Play For Boston”

    Photo: Maddie Meyer (Getty) The Celtics.

  • Kyrie Irving Leaving The Celtics Suddenly Seems Like A Real Possibility

    Photo: Maddie Meyer (Getty) With Kristaps.

  • Gizmodo Scientists Reveal Nature of Martian Mountain Using Ingenious Technique With Curiosity Rover

    Gizmodo Scientists Reveal Nature of Martian Mountain.

  • Enes Kanter Kisses Knicks Floor Logo After David Fizdale Finally Puts Him In A Game

    Enes Kanter has been a healthy.

  • SportsCenter Falls For Fake Instagram Screenshot Showing LeBron James Once Again Tampering With Anthony Davis

    Screenshot: ESPN Hey, remember when ESPN.