The Blues Ruthlessly Tormented Oilers Goalies Tonight

Screenshot: @StLouisBlues

The St. Louis Blues should be heading to the playoffs next month, and the Oilers are definitely heading back home to lick their wounds and wonder what went wrong again this year, and the difference between those two outlooks was on full display in Missouri tonight. Blues forwards were practically laughing at Oilers goaltenders, who let in shots in progressively infuriating and embarrassing ways en route to a 7-2 final score.

Mikko Koskinen, he of the headache-inducing contract extension, allowed the first trio. The opener, from Jaden Schwartz, seems nearly impossible on a netminder who’s allegedly 6-foot-7, but the slumping winger’s shot found its way past a clueless Koskinen’s glove from a weird angle—the kind of shot that seems like it could be stopped by anyone.

The Oilers escaped the first down just 1-0, but in the second, Alex Pietrangelo got on a breakaway, and Koskinen got caught flailing onto his back as the captain finished the simple backhand finisher.

His confidence sufficiently shattered, Koskinen proceeded to let in a velvet-soft second goal from Schwartz. Even though he was screened, Schwartz’s shot appeared to hit the Finnish goalie right on the logo, but the puck somehow slipped through after the initial contact, and Koskinen again found himself on his butt as he desperately tried to swipe for the stop.

That was the end of Koskinen’s night, and in to replace him came the very green backup Anthony Stolarz. Less than two minutes into his appearance, Stolarz got absolutely clowned by David Perron, who knocked it off the reverse end of the unsuspecting goalie to join in on the humiliation.

On this next one, in the third period, I don’t know if Perron is trying to make his deflection look as badass as possible, or if it’s just a happy accident, but either way, it’s a nasty fifth goal.

And it got even worse. Pat Maroon earned the sixth by apparently turning the puck intangible, because otherwise it’s unclear how else it ghosted past Stolarz’s pad.

Oh, did you think that would be the end of the cruelty? No such luck. With barely a minute to go in the game, Schwartz picked up the hat trick by making Stolarz look as hopeless as a soccer keeper who guesses wrong on a PK.

Summer is almost here, Edmonton.


more recommended stories

  • Aaron Judge Becomes Another Name On A Long List Of Injured Yankees

    Photo: Julio Cortez (AP Photo) Aaron.

  • Columbus Blue Jackets Affiliate Upsets Tampa Bay Lightning Affiliate In Game 1 Of AHL Playoffs

    If you missed the chance to.

  • MLS, Which Is Definitely Not A Ponzi Scheme, Wants To Expand By Adding Three New Teams For $200 Million Each

    Photo: John Minchillo (Getty) Are you:.

  • Warren Foegele Injured TJ Oshie With A Hard Shove In The Back And Was Only Given A Two-Minute Minor Penalty

    With just over five minutes left.

  • Oakland’s Lou Trivino Continues To Do Filthy Things On The Mound

    In just his second season pitching.

  • Vote In The Name Of The Year Sweet Sixteen

    With plenty of real estate remaining.

  • Ajax Have Slain Cristiano Ronaldo, Giant Of The Champions League

    Photo: Michael Steele (Getty) For only.

  • Joel Embiid Couldn’t Keep A Straight Face While Apologizing For His Elbow On Jarrett Allen

    Photo: Chris Szagola (AP) Joel Embiid.

  • Enes Kanter Saved The Blazers From Getting Swept For A Third Straight Year

    One of the hallmarks of surprise.

  • The Refs Lost Control As The Bruins And Maple Leafs Tried To Kill Each Other

    The Bruins took Game 2 against.

  • Sharks’ Logan Couture Is Thankful He Didn’t Lose A Testicle When A Hockey Puck Hit Him In The Dick And Balls

    Down 4-3 in the second period,.

  • Ex-NFL Players Now Have To Jump Through Even More Hoops To Collect Concussion Settlement Money

    Photo: Ronald Martinez (Getty) A new.

  • Calgary’s Andrew Mangiapane Didn’t Have To Embarrass Philipp Grubauer Like That

    Flames winger Andrew Mangiapane decided that.

  • Gerard Piqué Is Barcelona’s Other Superman

    Photo: Stu Forster (Getty Images) It.

  • The New York Rangers Will Have The Easiest Decision Of The NHL Draft

    Photo: Kevin Light (Getty) The New.

  • Marcell Ozuna Lands Flat On Face While Trying To Stop Homer

    In the top of the eighth.

  • Virginia’s Ugly Basketball Now Has Undeniable Results

    Photo: Streeter Lecka (Getty Images) In.

  • WrestleMania Is Too Damn Long

    There will be differing opinions on.

  • Paris Saint-Germain’s Eric Maxim Choupo-Moting Delivers A Strong Contender For Miss Of The Season

    Cameroonian international Eric Maxim Choupo-Moting has.

  • Idiot In The Ring Tackles Bret Hart During WWE Hall Of Fame Ceremony

    Tonight’s WWE Hall of Fame ceremony.

  • Three Years After Resigning Over “Inappropriate Relationship,” Tyler Summitt Hired As Former Player And Current Wife’s Assistant

    Photo: Getty This morning, the Fairborn.

  • Giannis Antetokounmpo Proved Something To Joel Embiid

    Photo: Matt Slocum (Getty) Everyone’s just.

  • Wealthy Dad Who Bought Harvard Fencing Coach’s House Insists It Had Nothing To Do With His Son Getting Into Harvard

    Peter Brand’s house in Needham, which.

  • Gregg Popovich Gets Himself Ejected Just 63 Seconds Into Spurs Game

    Screenshot: YouTube Spurs head coach and.

  • Possibly Nothing Is More Grating Than The Noise Of Paulie Malignaggi Talking Shit

    You can decide for yourself the degree.

  • The History And Future Of The Franchise Tag, The Bane Of The NFL’s Best Players

    Photo: Patrick McDermott (Getty) The top.

  • Something Weird Is Happening With UNC Women’s Basketball

    Photo: Mel Evans (AP) The University.

  • Coach K’s Trust In R.J. Barrett Ruins Duke’s Final Four Dreams

    Photo: Alex Brandon (AP Photo) With.

  • Carsen Edwards Went Full Supernova For Purdue And Somehow It Wasn’t Enough 

    Photo: Kevin C. Cox (Getty) An.

  • Andreas Athanasiou Is So Frickin’ Fast

    At this point late in the.

  • FanSided, SI’s Grubby Little Sibling, Isn’t Paying Workers The Pittances They’re Owed

    Illustration: Jim Cooke (GMG) FanSided—the scuzzy.

  • Celtics Fan Banned For A Season And A Half For Calling DeMarcus Cousins The N-Word

    Photo: Ben Margot (AP) A Celtics.