The Texans’ Attempt To Hire A GM Was Cartoonishly Inept

Photo: Maddie Meyer (Getty)

It’s been 12 days since the Texans abruptly fired GM Brian Gaine, and their search for Gaine’s replacement has apparently ended with [checks notes after fishing them out of trashcan] head coach Bill O’Brien! This, uh, wasn’t part of the plan. Because the plan was bungled with enough incompetence to make the Jets probably wish they’d thought of it first.

The Texans are far from the first team to ditch a GM after the draft or into June. In just the last two years, the Bills, Chiefs, Panthers, and Jets have made similar moves. But, as Jason La Canfora of CBS Sports pointed out, all of those teams already had replacements lined up. Even the Jets, who broke out the tent poles and the dancing bears in the days that followed Mike Maccagnan’s surprise ouster last month, eventually landed their man in Joe Douglas (though not without having to double their offer to get it done). The Texans had a guy in mind, too. Their effort to get him failed spectacularly.

The plan was for the Texans to put the finishing touches on the construction of their own little Foxboro Southwest. They already have O’Brien, a former Patriots offensive coordinator. They also already have executive vice president for team development Jack Easterby, who had held a similar “character coach” role with the Pats for six years, right up until chairman and CEO Robert Kraft got his dick stuck in an alleged human trafficking ring that turned up no evidence of human trafficking. The plan called for the Texans to replace Gaine with longtime Pats director of player personnel Nick Caserio—just as they had tried to do before Gaine was first hired in January 2018, only to have the Patriots deny their interview request. One would think that might have prepared the Texans for any and all Belichickian subterfuge before taking another whack at bringing in Caserio. Alas, no.

This time, the Texans apparently weren’t even aware that Caserio’s contract prevented him from interviewing at all. The Patriots lobbed a tampering charge at them, only to withdraw it when the Texans accepted what Caserio’s contract actually says. Houston then dropped its search for Gaine’s replacement altogether, which leaves O’Brien in charge. Now, the Texans are coming off an 11-win season with a terrific young quarterback and have won three of the last four AFC South titles. Also, O’Brien already had control of the 53-man roster—much like other coaches around the league who are exerting more authority over personnel decisions—so not much of the organization’s reporting structure will change. But this clusterfuck is about more than just the Texans’ big whiff on Caserio.

That since-abandoned search process sure had plenty of cynicism baked into it. The Texans went so far as to interview not one, but two minority candidates—ex-Browns GM Ray Farmer and ex-Lions GM/current 49ers senior personnel executive Martin Mayhew—within two days of firing Gaine, only to give up on the entire process as soon as it was clear they weren’t going to get Caserio. So they were extra super-duper careful not to run afoul of the Rooney Rule—just as they were simultaneously fending off allegations of discriminatory firing practices against Gaine from their former security coordinator. To think it’s only been 20 months since the franchise’s late owner, Bob McNair, fretted about “inmates running the prison” during a players-owners summit about protests during the national anthem—a comment McNair apologized for and then said he regretted apologizing for. Give the Texans credit for maintaining appearances, I guess.


more recommended stories

  • Amazon’s Own Devices Are (Unsurprisingly) Some of the Best Deals of Prime Day [Updating]

    Best Tech DealsThe best tech deals.

  • Max Kepler Homers In Fifth Straight AB Against Trevor Bauer

    The Minnesota Twins are socking dingers.

  • Anthony Davis Settles For Half Of What LeBron Wanted

    Photo: Ethan Miller (Getty Images) When.

  • The 10 Best Deals of July 12, 2019

    Best Deals of the DayThe best.

  • Grizzlies’ Grayson Allen Ejected For Consecutive Flagrant Fouls Against Celtics’ Grant Williams

    Former Duke shithead Grayson Allen was.

  • Herd Of Orlando City Fans Stampedes To Opposite Side Of Stadium To Heckle NYCFC

    Screenshot: MLS Last night, during the.

  • Jalen Richard, For The Good Of Everyone, Please Vaccinate Your Kids

    Photo: Jennifer Stewart (Getty Images) Could.

  • Rob Manfred Responds To Astros’ Justin Verlander, Says MLB Has Not Deliberately Juiced The Baseballs

    Photo: Sean M. Haffey (Getty) Commissioner.

  • Pelicans’ Jaxson Hayes Dunks Bulls’ Mychal Mulder Into The Core Of The Earth In Las Vegas Summer League

    Monday night in Las Vegas, New.

  • Today’s NFL Would Have Been Perfect For Doug Flutie

    Illustration: Elena Scotti (Getty), Photo: Rick.

  • The Reds Should Play Every Game In Sleeveless Jerseys

    Cleveland thoroughly trounced the Cincinnati Reds.

  • Overeager Ref Sends Messi Off For Not Retaliating Against Chile’s Gary Medel

    Photo: Alexandre Schneider (Getty Images) The.

  • Kawhi Leonard Is Joining the Los Angeles Clippers

    Photo: Vaughn Ridley (Getty) Reigning NBA.

  • 70-Year-Old Disqualified Marathon Runner Found Dead In LA River

    Frank Meza, the 70-year-old distance runner.

  • It’s Time To Get Upset About Sneakers Again

    Big Brother is a free agent.Photo:.

  • Netherlands Beat Sweden, Will Meet The USWNT In World Cup Final

    Photo: Alex Grimm (Getty) The Netherlands.

  • Holy Moly, Marwin González Can Sure Throw A Baseball

    In the bottom of the fifth.

  • Enes Kanter Says The Blazers Gave Him Six Minutes To Consider Their Contract Offer

    Photo: Matthew Stockman (Getty) Enes Kanter.

  • Sad Naomi Osaka Is The Saddest Sight In Tennis

    Photo: Shaun Botterill (Getty) One endearing.

  • Heat Acquire Jimmy Butler In Trade With Sixers, Who Acquired Al Horford In Free Agency

    Photo: Vaughn Ridley (Getty Images) The.

  • Aging Fraud Luis Suárez Misses Only Penalty In Shootout Against Peru, Ends Uruguay’s Copa América Campaign

    Photo: Felipe Oliveira (Getty Images) The.

  • Darren Collison Abruptly Retires From NBA To Focus On Life As A Jehovah’s Witness

    Photo: Andy Lyons (Getty Images) After.

  • Kansas City Radio Chud Kevin Kietzman Ousted Following Gross Andy Reid Comments

    Sweaty Kansas City radio hot-taker Kevin.

  • The Lakers Are Really Going For it

    The Lakers have cleared the decks..

  • Behold The Destructive Force Of An F5 Poop Tornado

    Last Thursday, a “sewer blockage” in.

  • Kotaku The Human Cost Of Call of Duty: Black Ops 4 | Gizmodo This Is How You’re Being Manipulated |

    Kotaku The Human Cost Of Call of.

  • An Unlucky Handball Sends Japan Out Of The World Cup

    Photo: Maja Hitij (Getty) An exhilarating.

  • Sportsradio WHB 810 Jockey Kevin Kietzman Drags Garrett Reid’s Death Into Criticism Of Andy Reid’s Coaching Ability

    A lowlife Kansas City radio host.

  • “I’ll Knock You The Fuck Out, Bro”

    Photo: John Amis (Getty Images) One.

  • Wilkin Castillo’s First MLB Hit In Over A Decade Was A Go-Ahead RBI Double

    For the first time in over.

  • Todd Frazier Upset He Hit Home Run Instead Of Deep Fly-Out

    The Mets have been having an.

  • Is This Kyrie Irving Scolding Celtics Fans Under An Alias On Boston Talk Radio?

    Photo: Maddie Meyer (Getty) Thursday morning.