Though international attention has been diverted elsewhere in recent weeks, the coronavirus pandemic is still ongoing. At least 20 U.S. states are now seeing a rise in infections, with some even setting records for the most cases reported in one day. This worrying increase comes after several states eased their lockdowns, ignoring epidemiologists’ warnings that it was premature.
“This is the most predictable health outcome since the CDC published its landmark study ‘Health projections and inflammation results of stickin’ your penis in that hornet’s nest,'” Late Show host Stephen Colbert joked on Wednesday.
Of course, admitting any of this might make the Trump administration look bad, so Vice President Mike Pence has instead blamed the increase in numbers on an increase in testing. Pence even went to far as to give an op-ed to the Wall Street Journal claiming there isn’t a coronavirus second wave.
“Great news for all the thousands of people who checked into hospitals this week — you can go home! Turns out you were faking it for all the free pudding,” quipped Colbert.
“Now keep in mind, Pence is the same medical genius who only 20 years ago wrote an article arguing that ‘despite the hysteria from the political class and the media, smoking doesn’t kill,'” said Colbert. “You do not want Mike Pence as your doctor.”
Colbert did note top epidemiologist Dr. Anthony Fauci agreed there isn’t a second wave. Unfortunately, this is only because we’re still in the first wave.
“That’s like saying, ‘Honey, I promise I’m not going to cheat on you again, because I never stopped cheating on you the first time,'” said Colbert.
Colbert also looked at new book The Room Where It Happened, written by former national security advisor John Bolton. Trump brought a lawsuit attempting to block its publication so now, of course, everybody wants to read it.
“This afternoon several newspapers published excerpts,” said Colbert. “And — I can’t believe I’m saying this — it’s worse than even I imagined.”
According to Bolton, Trump spends more time talking than listening in intelligence briefings, said journalists should be jailed so they are are forced to divulge their sources, and directly asked China to interfere in the U.S. election. Further, apparently reaching for moral bankruptcy transcendence, Trump allegedly approved of China building concentration camps, saying that it was the “exactly the right thing to do.”
“I have no doubt that those Chinese concentration camps are horrible,” said Colbert. “But you know, Trump’s a builder. I’m sure he hooked up Xi with a good contractor. Maybe the same guy who built Trump’s baby cages.”