Where would you fly off to in your private jet if you were the UK holder of the winning £123million Euromillions ticket and wanted to get cracking on your new millionaire lifestyle?
I know just the place. It is where millionaires and billionaires go to be spoiled, where no flaunting of wealth is too ostentatious and no request, no matter how outlandish, is ever denied.
Welcome to the Burj Al Arab in Dubai, widely considered the world’s most luxurious – not to mention expensive – hotel.
It is enthroned on its own island surrounded by turquoise sea, drenched in sun all year round, and reaches high enough into the sky to look down on all the other hotels.
It is a favourite crash pad for stars including Selena Gomez, Kendall Jenner, Lewis Hamilton and Claudia Schiffer.
For one night only, I am staying and pretending to be a mega-millionaire instead of an ordinary mum with an ample overdraft.
The superstar treatment starts early.
Guests are picked up in a gleaming white Rolls-Royce and dropped off on the hotel’s red carpet.
I worry my wonky old Primark suitcase will show me up.
But there is no need, because by the time I say hello to the semi-circle of a dozen immaculate staff assembled to welcome me with a cocktail, my battered bag has already been whisked up to my room.
And what a room it is. I am assigned a personal butler, who opens the heavy door to reveal a sweeping staircase with an ornate, 24-carat gold-leaf balustrade in a suite set across two levels.
And this is one of the bargain rooms, relatively speaking. On the lower level is an office, complete with Apple computer, printer, JR Ewing leather chair, extravagantly stocked mini-bar and plenty of thick writing paper to help any lottery winner work out their sums.
The loo downstairs is as big as a family bathroom.
There is champagne on ice in the sitting room, which has pillow-soft sofas, fresh flowers on every surface and floor-to-ceiling views across the Persian Gulf and Dubai’s golden coastline.
The television is so big and futuristic the remote control looks like a pilot’s dashboard.
Upstairs is another bathroom with all the Hermes toiletries ever made (I broke my suitcase zip trying to cram them in), and a spa bath.
“Please let me know if you would like a bath and I will run it for you,” says my butler. “We like to ensure you have just the right mix of salts and scent to suit your mood.”
I have a dressing room with a fluffy gown and slippers in my size. And then there is the bed. My extended family, including in-laws, could fit on it.
“We have 16 different pillows, mattresses and duvets for you to choose from,” says my butler.
“And if you prefer a firm mattress and your husband prefers a softer one, you can do half-and-half.”
“It sounds dreamy. Is there anything to stop my husband snoring?”
“Ah, we are happy to set him up a comfortable bed downstairs.”
I am invited to pick my favourite flowers for my room – or splurge £550 to have rose petals strewn around.
Of course, all I really want is a copy of the Daily Mirror. Within minutes it appears in my room. In a gold frame.
My one-bedroom deluxe suite costs an eye-watering £1,250 a night. The two-bedroom royal suite upstairs is a heart-stopping £13,800 a night. Of course I ask if I can sneak in for a tour.
As I am shown around I am told in hushed tones about the room’s precious antiques, and gently asked not to touch anything. But when I see the giant revolving bed, I cannot resist the urge to dive on it (and do). I can tell you it has super bounce.
The luxury does not end in the rooms. The lobby is the most Instagrammed in the world, with shops for all those holiday essentials, such as Graff diamonds. In the Sahn Eddar you can try cappuccinos infused with 24-carat gold at £16 a pop.
For something more substantial, the Burj Al Arab recently welcomed three chefs, Francky Semblat, Kim Joinie-Maurin and Kasper Kurdahl, who have seven Michelin stars between them.
Outside, around the pristine infinity pool on the terrace, are air-conditioned cabanas in which to cool down in privacy. There is even a sun cream butler service (because if you are this rich you cannot be expected to apply your own).
The hotel is owned by Dubai ruler Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, who has the right to pick the very best spots for his hotels here. Others include the chic Jumeirah Al Naseem at £235 a night.
Or take an abra boat to the Jumeirah Al Qasr for a taste of old Dubai, with rooms at £195. Otherwise there is the Jumeirah Dar Al Masyaf, where Bodyguard star Richard Madden recently hired a villa.
The lucky UK Euromillions winner has a lot of decisions to make, such as how to share their winnings, whether or not to be polite when they resign – and even whether to stay with their partner or dump them.
But if they want to start happily indulging themselves in the company of the world’s other big spenders, this is the place to come.